your partner cheats on you, you feel like the world made you its
punching bag. At first, you stumble, stagger, and fall to pieces. But
then, you come out swinging. Hell hath no fury like a man or woman
scorned by a cheating partner.
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But there is a silver lining to this cruel tragedy. It is
possible to get over an affair. Here’s what you can learn from
being betrayed by your partner, and how you can use the heartache to
find a happier, healthier relationship.
How To Get Over An Affair
It’s Not You — It’s Them
They cheated because of their own insecurities. Sure, you might have
contributed to their unhappiness. (Maybe you were selfish. Maybe you
neglected them. Maybe you had a wandering eye.)
But your unfaithful partner is at fault. Cheating is not a sign that they wanted to fix things
— it’s a sign they wanted the easy way out. Your partner’s affair was a
Band-Aid for their own unhappiness, not a healthy remedy for your
You Have To Face The Pain
pain, no gain, right? Think of their betrayal as boot camp for your
soul. Once you’ve been knocked down by an unfaithful partner, this is
your chance to get yourself in shape for a better future relationship.
So embrace the heartache. Be the boss of your pain. It will only make you (and your other relationships) stronger.
Jealousy Will Eat You Alive
cheating partner has already done enough damage. If you let your mind
get drunk off anger and jealousy, you’re letting them win. Don’t start
thinking you weren’t smart enough, hot enough, loving enough, whatever
enough. That kind of thinking is a trap.
This affair is your partner’s problem. Let them, not you, suffer the consequences of their mistakes.
Trust Has To Be Earned
You didn’t fall for your mate overnight. It took time for the puppy love to mature into a deep, devoted connection.
you’re ready to date again, you need time to build a connection with
someone new. You will be guarded, but you won’t be naive. Before you
fall for a new partner, ask the right questions. Then find out what
secrets they might be hiding with an online background check. Once you know their history, you can decide if a potential mate is worth your trust.
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You’re A Phoenix
of Harry Potter and/or ancient mythology know that a phoenix is a
vibrant bird reincarnated from its own ashes. But it has to combust
before it can be reborn.
When you get cheated on, your confidence
explodes into a million pieces. But like a phoenix, you can rebuild it —
this time with a more realistic idea of what to expect from yourself
and your partner.
heartbroken, upset, and a little bit desperate, you risk falling for
someone who will take advantage of your vulnerability. Dating might help
you forget the pain for a while. But remember how your partner used
cheating as a Band-Aid for their own issues? If you jump into dating
before you’ve grieved your past relationship, dating will be your
Band-Aid for a broken heart.
You Need To Pick Better Partners
you thrive off the drama of rocky relationships? They can be exciting,
like your favorite ride at Six Flags. But the butterflies from that big
drop only last a few seconds — and then the thrill is gone.
Look for similar patterns of instability in your past relationships. If you depended on their lows to revel in the highs, you’re addicted to the drama.
little piece of advice: When you’re ready to date again, don’t go
straight for your “type.” Go for someone different, someone with — and
we know this is a scary word — stability. Just think
how much extra time you’ll have for yourself (and your new mate) when
you don’t have to waste it waiting, worrying, and checking up on a two-timing jerk.
You’re Not God
can’t control everything that happens to you. How can you control what
happens to your partner? Every relationship has its flaws, and that’s
OK. You’re doing the best you can. All you can ask is that you end up
with something who’s doing the best they can for you and your relationship.
This Affair Was Good For You
You never have to be glad they cheated, but you should be relieved you found out.
Between all the lies, cover-ups, anger, and jealousy, this relationship
has really put you through the wringer. Thankfully, now you know what
you don’t want, and what you actually deserve.
Should You Stay Or Go?
affair doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker for you and the cheater. But it
is a very necessary wake-up call. If you stay with an unfaithful
partner, you have a lot of issues to work out. Can you ever rebuild the
trust that was completely destroyed?
If so, expect your
relationship to feel very different. But don’t expect your partner to
change. The affair might be a one-time thing. Or it might not.
you stay or go, keep tabs on your partner with an online background
check. It could save you from another devastating heartbreak.
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